I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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