At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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