I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
