I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
