Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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