He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
where does the pee come out of this thing
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
