seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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