Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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