This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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