My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
