It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
