Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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