I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Alive.
So much puke
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
