laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
