just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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