ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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