So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
