he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the day after is always just damage control
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
