Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
