do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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