i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
