I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
