am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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