Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
