So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
