I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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