worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize