At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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