when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
