By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
