I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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