The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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