In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
