On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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