I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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