So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
