I am puke
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
