Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize