I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
