You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
