Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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