You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize