is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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