You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
