Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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