You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
