I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
