k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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