I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he fucked my hip out of place.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
