Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
