I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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