as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
