Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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