Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
