My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
