I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
