There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
