I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
