I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
