lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
