why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
