Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
