I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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