Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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