Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
