SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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