Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
