i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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