i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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