she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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