I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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