I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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