honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
