He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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