this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
