after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
