I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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