WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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