guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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