I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
