It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
