I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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