I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
