Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Text me some of your sweat
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
