Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
