Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
