the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
