I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize