Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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