either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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