we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
