my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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