I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
