He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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