that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
