The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
