i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize