rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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